Rather, my reluctance to watch the Sochi games - as with the 2008 Beijing Olympiad - stems from the inconvenient truth that they serve as a vast advertising platform for a loathsome tyrannical regime. Sadly, every flash of the IOC's interlocking-rings logo now reminds me of the ambitious bully who brought the winter games to subtropical Sochi, Russian President Vladimir Putin.
Conniving with his plutocratic cronies, Putin spent billions of stolen rubles for this chance to strut his ugly ego on a global stage. Nevertheless, I have witnessed a few amusing moments amidst all the bullshit extolling the Olympian ideal. Last weekend, for example, I caught that baldpate Putin's creepy deadpan perma-scowl polluting my TV screen.
As NBC's cameras lingered on his soulless Mussolini-like visage, I noticed no less than four brand logos sewn onto Putin's turtleneck top & tight fleece jacket. That's about as many product placements as the money-grubbing IOC now permits the athletes to wear. I know that Vlad the Huckster fancies himself a supreme sportsman, but surely this ad ploy is taking things too far.
After a shudder of revulsion at the Russian host's display of personal commercialism, I realized the brilliance of the idea. What a triumph of economic opportunism! It takes an ex-KGB comrade to dream up such an outrageous advertising scheme. Putin's self-sponsorship at Sochi makes American politicians seem like a bunch of pikers when it comes to generating wealth.
Upon further reflection, I had a brainstorm of my own: if properly adapted, what a breakthrough in American political fundraising this could become. Before dismissing Putin's promotional innovation as a gimmick befitting only undemocratic leaders, consider the possibilities for the USA's money-driven two-party system.
The U.S. Senate could sell the naming rights to its legislative chamber. The "Citibank Senate" has a nice alliterative ring to it. Our cash-strapped House of Representatives could offer a Seattle-based coffee company a publicity coup simply by declaring the capitol a Starbucks-only, foreign-tea-free zone - for a generous fee, of course.
For his part, our Commander-in-Chief could reduce the federal deficit by taking bids on a new moniker for the Pentagon. Even the "Boeing Building" might seem appropriate now that the 9/11 attacks are receding from national memory. While we're at it, how about replacing that lame official name "White House" with the cooler "Apple iPad"? It appeals more to the digital generation, assuming that today's dumbed-down young folks get the joke - "pad" being an old hipster term for residence, you see.
From the Great Free-market Beyond, the ghosts of Steve Jobs & Ronald Reagan gaze upon our work & beam. Freedom never comes at no cost & neither should the Olympics. Once upon a time Barack Obama raised millions of campaign dollars by embodying the generic Audacity of Hope. More in step with the march of hyper-capitalism, President-for-life Putin shamelessly embodies the Effrontery of Exploitation. By adorning his sporty outfit with various corporate logos while being photographed at an Olympic venue, Putin even out-hustled that notoriously crafty dictator of yore, Adolf Hitler.
The Führer, after all, merely used the 1936 Berlin Olympics to promote his own political brand. Worse yet, it was legally a nonprofit brand. Hitler's henchmen covered the German capital in patriotic red-white-black bunting & an omnipresent swarm of swastikas, the (IOC-approved) Nazi logo. Then a modest African-American athlete appeared & singlehandedly spoiled the Nazis' coming-out party. Amazingly, Jesse Owens exposed Joseph Goebbels's racist Aryan-superiority propaganda as nonsense by simply running faster & jumping farther than anyone else.
Let's hope that the homophobic dissident-oppressor Putin gets a similar comeuppance on his home turf. I'd love to see an international alliance of ice dancers & hockey players use their muscular bodies to form a giant human protest sign in the Fisht Olympic Stadium during the closing ceremony at Sochi: "PUSSY RIOT LIVES!"
It's a rare photo-op for human rights. Why not use it to display the humane, cooperative spirit that the modern Olympic games are supposed to represent? If the IOC says a Tongan luge-slider can compete as "Bruno Banani" (the name of his German-underwear sponsor), then maybe we really shall overcome someday. At least until the next commercial.
[For Kimman Harmon, former hockey player, downhill skier extraordinaire & far-out lesbian, of Boulder, CO (USA).]
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